Wisdom Has Built Her House, She Has Sewn Out Her Five Pillars

I, Zulfikar Bashirul Fuadi. The youngest son of Anne, shall remember her birth. 15th of June, 1962.

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This writing shall be a short reminiscence to my mother. Whom I loved and hated the most in my younger years — turning 25 this year as I grow older and doubtfully wiser.

As if I’m reading a thick encyclopedia, her endless knowledge has never been able to be surpassed by anyone in my family. Ever since young, she’s been known for her serious & persistent demeanor. She found solace in loneliness. She kept the hardship that she’s been through for herself.

As if I’ve become a reflection of her; from my face, my character, my personality, my preference, my perspective of life, my ways of dealing with problems, there are countless things that I’ve realized that she passed all that on to me. No matter how much people would say that I’m different — or that I resemble my father — there’s no mistake that I carried her ‘self’ on to my being.

You have to believe me, for I have her blood running through my vein. Her sight on my eyes. Her complexion on my skin. Her persona in my character. Her heart inside my chest. When I grief, it would be the same knife that would stab her in sorrow. When fear of abandonment strikes me, it is her eyes that will agitate and her hands that would tremble. Worrying that it was those whom we trusted & respected that will eventually leave us.

Be that as it may, I’d like her to see what I’ve become, and that I imagined a better future for us — though destiny might render our little house a wreck, and though all the grand expectations that we hold may be lost… I hoped I had the chance to look at her eyes and tell her given that such a sinner that I am, ours was not a relationship defined by regrets.

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To my mother: God willing. Your wisdom has built me a strong character foundation. Your talent has sewn out my aspiration. Your presence has taught me timeless knowledge as I live.

Alas, from the soil you are, and to the soil you will return.

In this fleeting world, I will be wiping my tears for her.

In His side, however, I will be rejoicing with her.